Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

29 years ago you held me in your arms with a twinkle in your eye so I am told. I miss you terribly. I cannot believe that today is the first birthday without you. It hurts to know that you will not call, that when I see mom it will not be the same. There won't be a weird joint birthday song on my voicemail. We won't have one our beloved tasks all of it is gone. Gandoff says to Frodo "do not pity the dead, pity the living". It's so true, I'm so sure you're at peace. You've told me. And I cannot imagine another way and yet I sit here wondering how to keep living without you. It's seem so ridiculous but I loved you so dad. I looked up to you in so many ways. And without you today it just creates a stronger reality. All I can do is miss my father. But I will always be your little girl. I feel so blessed to have a dad who loved as much you did. In a way that cannot be written or expressed in words. It's a special feeling when a father loves a daughter in this way. I sit wondering in what ways life will change over the next year. I wonder how my relationships with mom and kyle will change. How much stronger I will become. Today in honor of you I want you to know how much I love you. That I'm so blessed that you and mom created me. I feel blessed with life however much adversity I've had to face. I smile at the way you've defended me over the years. The patience you constantly showed to me and my sensitivities. I could ALWAYS count on you to listen, though at times absent and judgmental. I'm deeply honored you changed. I wish today of all days I could tell you all this and yet all I can do put it out there and maybe you'll hear it. Perhaps heaven has internet now. :) Have you seen what I've accomplished? I got invited to join the Golden Key Honor Society, held a 3.7 even after your death, I went back to school despite everything, I held the family together best that I could. And I'm still going though it's frighteningly hard I am doing it. I think of you often. I think often that a lot of what I do is for you. I beginning to find my way back to doing this for me and at times just in honor of your life. It's just so hard to imagine celebrating today without. How can I not also celebrate your life as you did give me life? I must. I must for me, for you, for our family. Maybe it sounds crooked and odd. Well we all know I'm a little off. Dad thank you for helping give me life. For teaching as much as you could before you had to leave. Thank you for being an amazing dad in the end. I love you so much.

Missing you.
Your little dee dee girl.