The Day

My mother told me a story of her delirium. She was being taken for an MRI possible the one before they decided to do emergency surgery. She thought she was in the kitchen and the "cooks" aka anesthesiologist tried to get her to sign a consent form. Of course this was highly upsetting. But what amazed me was that she was with it enough to understand to ask for her brother, her power of attorney, to take over.

I remember the calls that night. Just like the night my father died. I was on the phone with my brother when my uncle began calling my brother so we hung up. He quickly called me back and said that she was going into surgery "NOW". What can you think about those moments? I had no other information, I didn't know why. I was freaking out. What else to do but call my aunt who's also my godmother. There was a lot of sighing. And I was hemming and hawing about whether to get on a plane. I so desperately wanted to be there. Not just because my mother was in critical condition but because I'd promised my father I would do this for him and he left before I could care for him. I missed the opportunity. My aunt called me back after speaking with my uncle and told me he recommended that I get on a plane tomorrow. All that was going through my head was shit, shit, shit... okay, okay, okay. I called my uncle, who is by the way one of the top neurologists in the country, he explained the situation and told me "You are going to want to be there when she wakes up." To me that told me that even my uncle, a topnotch doctor was scared she might not even make it through surgery. Luckily, she made it through better than expected. And for me when your uncle the top notch doc tells you to get on a plane you do. I called my brother and told him I was on my way. The relief in his voice was so real, he began crying. It was such an emotional time and all I could feel was the adrenaline pumping through my veins. The lack of sleep from days of worrying and not understanding what was wrong. When I landed it was not much better the next few days were flooded with family and family friends. Though I was grateful to speak to them it was utterly exhausting. And now I sit wondering where do we go from here? Perhaps it's a silly a question. But I've been stuck in crisis and stepping out of my crisis manager is no easy task. My answer from here I go live my life. I build a stronger bond with my mother and I own that I did the right thing.