Remembering You

Dear Dad,

It's an odd feeling knowing that you are no longer here. Knowing that I have lost a great man in my life. At times all I can do is stare into the beyond with no words, no expression, just emptiness. It fills me. I miss in a way I cannot describe. I'm screaming from the inside out. And yet it is the deepest loneliness I've ever experienced. It does not seem to matter how much love other people send my way. Without you life is difficult, life has lost meaning. Tragedy has changed me, Dad. I'm not your little girl anymore, I've been touched by your death. It scares me more than I'd like to admit. You were not old and decrepit. You were young and healthy. You were my angel. You are my angel. But it's nights like tonight where I look at the moon and the stars and I remember you. I remember watching them with you. I remember finding saturn's rings. I remember your laugh, your smile, your way being. And so desperately wish I could find a way there. How do we live our parent's legacies? How do we carry on when we've been touched by something the world pretends doesn't exists. I'm trying dad, for you I keep going. Knowing you are walking with me. Knowing you are now my guide. But I do not know how to talk to mom anymore. I wish I could talk to you, you'd explain to me a way to approach it. All of this is lost in the sea of grief. I stand alone watching the world pass by me and all that I can do is watch. I just never imagined this possibility. There is so much I wish I could say to you. I want my last goodbye. I want to hear your voice telling me it will be okay. I look into your eyes and I remember the love, I remember how you'd want me to live. Then I take a deep breath for there is nothing else to be done. I take in your love and begin to forge a path back to my own heart so that I may transform your love into my own. I miss you dad.

Love your little Dee Dee Girl.